What is an at-risk youth?

At-risk youth is a term that gets used a lot...when we train at-risk kids in conflict resolution, we have to be aware of certain emotional and developmental characterists they share:

1. Devalued-self: Ongoing experience with violence and/or neglect leaves child with a devalued sense of selfThe child believes others will eventually reject him/her, based on personal experience. Before being rejected, child will reject adult first to avoid getting hurt.

2. Self-efficacy – one’s belief about his/her own ability too learn new things. At-risk youth are not confident in his/her own ability to learn. Therefore, it is safer for them to “pretend” not being interested to avoid looking like a fool.

3. Delayed gratification is the ability to work toward a goal and wait for its rewards. At-risk youth have a history of anger and frustration, which lowers their ability to be patient and work toward a goal. Constant genuine praise is a MUST!

4. Concrete Learning: Violence, neglect, frustration and anger delay a child’s ability to think in an abstract manner. At-risk youth need concrete examples in order to learn – lots of activities and role plays, instead of lectures!

Andrea Palmisano
Youth Programs Coordinator

Listening in Real Life

The more I teach effective conflict resolution the more I understand the benefits in real life terms. Hardly a day passes without using reflective listening, reframing, open ended questions and brainstorming. Without these skills life would be too hard. This is my blog message today – make your life easier. Be a better communicator. Keep in mind, it’s not all in the way you talk (the words you choose, your tone, the frame you put around your ideas, casting blame), it is also in the way you listen. Prove to people through your body language and your spoken word that you’ve truly understood their feelings and their facts. Don’t separate the emotion, that’s the most important part in helping people vent.

Amanda Burbage
Community Outreach Director

Mediator Tips
Solving Ethical Problems

Occasionally when doing a mediation you may be put into a situation where several ethical rules come into play. As a certified mediator, you need to be aware of these rules so that you know how to act responsibly. To work your way through the ethical dilemma, follow the steps below. After you read through the steps, try solving the hypothetical ethical dilemma described at the bottom.

1. Define the problem carefully.
2. Determine what ethical rules govern the problem.
3. If the applicable rules appear to provide conflicting guidance:
   - Rank the sources of the ethical rules, and see if any have higher precedence than the others
   - Determine where the crux of the conflict lies (sample questions to ask yourself) to generate possible options:
   i. Is the circumstance not appropriate for mediation?
   ii. Are you unable to mediate the situation, but another mediator who is differently positioned could?
   iii. Can the situation be overcome ethically by informing the parties, and obtaining their consent to proceed?
4. Ensure that solutions to the problem are:
   - Within the ethical rules too (i.e. do not compromise a second ethical rule in order to solve the initial problem)
   - Supported by logical rationale
   - Mindful of public policy
   - Implemented in a professional manner

Hypothetical Ethical Dilemma:
You are mediating a case between a dry cleaning business and a consumer. The consumer indicated that she had two Sunday jackets that she uses to sing in the church choir which were damaged by the cleaner and she wants the cleaner to pay for their replacement, $ 120 each. The cleaner says that her standard policy is to pay $ 35 for each garment of this type in a claim. In looking at the jackets it is hard to detect exactly how they are damaged. In a caucus the consumer tells you that the jackets do mean a lot to her, but she bought them at a sale for about $ 50 each. Back in regular session, the mediator asks the consumer why the jackets are so important to her. She replies that these jackets are the last two gifts her husband gave her before he passed away. What should the mediator do?

Suggested Response: The mediator should once again caucus with the consumer to clarify what she had disclosed. If the mediator determines there is a lack of good faith then the mediator should consider terminating the process.

What we have here is a failure to communicate


I'm standing at the base of the Space Needle in Seattle, WA with my adult children, Mindy, Thom and Becca. Before being allowed on the express elevator (500 feet in 41 seconds), we have to see the man behind the desk about our reservation. Our name is not on the list. The conversation goes like this:

Mindy: "I thought you made the reservation, Thom."
Thom: "I tried, but I didn't have a credit card, so I asked Dad to make the reservation."
Dad: "Becca told me you made the reservation, Mindy."
Becca: "No I didn't."

We had this conversation about three times, before the man behind the desk began laughing. It's okay, he said, they were not busy and we could go up to the restaurant. We were seated within a few minutes. A Wednesday afternoon in October is not exactly prime tourist season for Seattle. If it had been prime tourist season, the lack of communications between four adults might have resulted in an awkward situation and lunch about 3 p.m., if we could get in.

Whenever I teach the parenting class, one sticky point that always comes up is a lack of communication between the parents. A lot of emotion is usually involved and it's sometimes difficult to talk to each other, even about mundane things like pick up and drop off times for the children. Communication isn't always about talking to each other. Those situations can be resolved by working with a third party or using a notebook that includes special instructiions for medicines, homework assignments or piano lessons. Using a notebook helps communicate important information. It's important that everyone knows about visitation schedules, support payments and other details of adults involved in seperation.

That information should be shared with children, to help make them feel a little more assured that they will have time with each parent. Children need structure and routine and they need to know when they will be with each parent.

Perhaps the most important communications link is between parent and child. Children do not have a voice in the seperation process. Their lives are simply turned upsidedown by adults making drastic, and sometimes sudden, decisions. How parents communicate what is happening depends on the age of the child. But even young children notice the changes and ask questions. This is not a time to bash the other parent as the reason for the seperation. Even a simple statement like, "Your mom and I are not going to live together, but I will still be in your life" can be reassuring.

A young woman reflected on her experience when her parents seperated when she was 6. Two people I really loved, my dad and brother, were simply gone, she recalled. Then there was a new man in the house and we moved 1,200 miles away. Nobody would tell me anything. My dad wasn't there to tell me what was happening and my mom wouldn't talk about it at all. It was very confusing and painful. The young woman is my daughter, now 25. Her recollection is going to translate into a strong statement in the parenting classes to sit down and communicate with children, regardless of age.

All this writing and memories of the good food in Seattle is making me hungry. I think it's my turn to make dinner reservations.

Chuck Hardwick

Mediator Tips
After Brainstorming

After you brainstorm some options, there are a couple things you can do to help participants reach an agreement. These tips are taken from the book Getting to Yes, which discusses negotiation tactics.

1. Star the Most Promising Ideas: Ask the participants which options they think are the most promising. Remember, you are not at the decision stage yet, just at the point where the most promising ideas are winnowed out.

2. Invent Improvements for Promising Ideas: Take one of the promising ideas and discuss ways to improve it to make it better and more realistic, as well as ways to carry it out. The point of this is to make the idea as attractive as possible.

3. Set up a time to evaluate ideas and decide: If a solution can not be reached in that particular session, it may be necessary to break up and have each participant look over the solutions by themselves. Before you break up, draw together a list of the most promising ideas in their revised form. Then, decide when to meet again and how much time individuals should spend thinking about the ideas.

Mediator Tips
The Opening Statement in an Arbitration

Mediation and arbitration are based on some similar principles, but the decision making process in each is very different. As a result, the opening statement in arbitration will focus on different points compared to that of mediation. Below are some tips to keep in mind when doing an introduction to arbitration. Also, click here to learn more about arbitration.

• Welcome the parties and thank them for using arbitration.
• Administer the Oath of Participant and confirm the Agreement to Arbitrate.
• State you will not disclose details of the case to anyone except, possibly, to the CMC staff for administrative purposes.
• Disclose conflicts of interest or prior experience with either of the parties, and ask if they know of any conflicts of interests.
• Confirm both parties have the right to an attorney.
• Explain that you may curb irrelevant or repetitious testimony.
• Request the parties agree to demonstrate common courtesy and refrain from interrupting each other during the hearing.
• Explain you will maintain control of the hearing.
• Notify the parties you will be impartial and will not express opinions or react emotionally.
• Explain that you will keep the hearing focused on issues in the Agreement to Arbitrate.
• Explain the decision is binding, and confirm the parties understand what that means.
• Explain you will be submitting your Decision and Reasons for Decision to the CMC within the next 5 days, and they will mail a copy of those documents to each party.

Keeping the Center sustainable

A question we often ask ourselves here is how to keep the Center sustainable. That is, how can we make sure that we can continue to do all that we are currently doing? Ultimately, this is where the Center’s outreach program is useful. Making connections in the community, sending out word of our services to newspapers, and putting up booth displays are all ways in which we spread the word about the Center and maintain sustainability.

While it may sound like sustainability is just retaining all the business we have, it is really about making new business connections as well. Contracts end and training programs are finite affairs, so when we fulfill one contract with an organization it is important that we have another organization that we can offer our services to next.

Over the years, the Center has done a good job of not only being sustainable, but increasing its capacity as well. I hear stories from older staff about how when the Center started there was only one full-time position and only a handful of volunteers. Additionally, the Center’s only purpose was to provide mediations to clients. Over time the Center has expanded its staff to around 8 full-time staff, 4 Americorps volunteers, and several interns from the community, and increased its services to include certification training, presentations to local businesses and community groups, arbitration, and youth programs. As Bob Glover used to say, we are in the business of conflict resolution.

The Center’s work to maintain sustainability is not as visible as the services that it maintains, but it is always on the minds of those who work here. Hopefully, the continued work we do will be as successful as it has been in the past.

Nathan Eckstrand
Community Outreach Advocate