Mediator Tips
The Transformative Approach
Robert Baruch Bush and Joseph Folger have identified 3 general approaches to mediation in their book, The Promise of Mediation. They are as follows:
Satisfaction Story: A problem-solving approach that is currently being used by most practitioners.
Social Justice Story: Those who view mediation's goal as a way of building consensus-for-change within a larger group such as community.
Transformation Story: Refers to those practitioners who approach mediation as a way to change the participants and, thereby, change society.
The Transformation approach is based on two interconnected concepts: empowerment, which leads to recognition.
Empowerment
"Is achieved when the party experiences a strengthened awareness of their own self-worth and their ability to deal with the difficulties they face regardless of external constraints."
People are empowered during mediation when they participate in:
-Identifying both needs and goals:
She has a clearer realization than before of what matters to her and why.
-Suggests Options:
He is aware of a range of choices to meet his goals. He has control over his choices and has the choice to accept or reject mediation, legal advice etc.
-Skill Development:
She increases or adds to her own skills in communication, conflict resolution, listening, organizing and analysis.
-Resources:
He gains new awareness of resources already in his possession. He realizes more clearly than before that he holds something that is of value to the other party; he can communicate and persuade effectively; his resources can be rearranged to make them reach further.
-Decision Making:
She reflects, deliberates and makes conscious decisions for herself. She assesses the strengths and weaknesses of her arguments (and the other party's) and makes decisions in that light.
Recognition
"Is achieved when empowerment is present -- and they are willing to acknowledge and be responsive to the other persons' situation and common human qualities."
Recognition occurs only if the person experiences some degree of empowerment. Recognition is given to the other person when:
Cognitive (Attribution) Processes:
-She realizes that, she has the capacity to reflect about, consider, and acknowledges in some way the situation of the other party. She realizes and feels secure enough to stop thinking exclusively about her own situation and to focus to some degree on the other party.
-She realizes that beyond her capacity to analyze cognitively she has a desire to acknowledge the other person in an objective way.
-She realizes that she wants to focus her attention on what the other person is experiencing and find a way to acknowledge that experience on a human level.
-She is able to engage in reinterpreting past conduct and events in light of new information and deduce from that information a new perspective about the person and the conflict.
Words of Recognition:
-She openly acknowledges her new and changed understanding. She admits that she sees things differently (openly or privately).
-She accompanies her statement of a new perspective with an apology.
-She apologizes for her own past behaviors based on misinterpreting the other's previous behaviors without knowing about situational factors.
Actions of Recognition:
-She makes decisions in light of her changed understanding.
-She accepts the past and is willing to focus on the future.
-She regrets not having the sufficient resources to change a decision.
-She offers other suggestions in light of limited resources.
Tuesday, April 18, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Spreading the message with booth displays
I wish I had a dollar for every time someone said – “Community Mediation. What’s that?”
Spreading the word about mediation services and volunteer opportunities is tough! One thing we do at the Community Mediation Center is connect with the community with booth displays. Everyone has been to a trade show or conference where there are vendors – and it’s practically the same. Expand your scope to include information tables at council meetings, parent teacher meetings, civic league meetings, parks and recreation department fun days, State of the City events, little league registration drives… Basically, any time there’s an event – WHY NOT?
Keep the message simple too. If we’re at an event focused on youth, then we talk about peer mediation. If its focused on communities, then neighborhood mediation and facilitated dialogues are the trick. The number one thing to do when you do a community booth display is to get their contact information. People appreciate a follow up letter, phone call, or email that’s personalized – it shows you’re thoughtful and that you remember them and that you’re committed to making your program successful.
It never fails – at every display someone tells me “Thank You,” for doing the work or for attending their event. The impact is clear… more people know about mediation and how to gain access to it!
Amanda Burbage
I wish I had a dollar for every time someone said – “Community Mediation. What’s that?”
Spreading the word about mediation services and volunteer opportunities is tough! One thing we do at the Community Mediation Center is connect with the community with booth displays. Everyone has been to a trade show or conference where there are vendors – and it’s practically the same. Expand your scope to include information tables at council meetings, parent teacher meetings, civic league meetings, parks and recreation department fun days, State of the City events, little league registration drives… Basically, any time there’s an event – WHY NOT?
Keep the message simple too. If we’re at an event focused on youth, then we talk about peer mediation. If its focused on communities, then neighborhood mediation and facilitated dialogues are the trick. The number one thing to do when you do a community booth display is to get their contact information. People appreciate a follow up letter, phone call, or email that’s personalized – it shows you’re thoughtful and that you remember them and that you’re committed to making your program successful.
It never fails – at every display someone tells me “Thank You,” for doing the work or for attending their event. The impact is clear… more people know about mediation and how to gain access to it!
Amanda Burbage
Thursday, April 13, 2006
Expectations in Mediation
When I first began mediating at the Virginia Beach GDC (Civil), my main goal was to reach an agreement. It took nearly a year of mediations before it occurred to me that I didn’t have the my goals in order and my mediation technique amounted to pushing the clients toward resolution and not infrequently going astray from the process which is presented in General Mediation Training. And my stress over getting an agreement and overall anxiousness was leaking over to the clients, making them uncomfortable and sometimes angry.
Eventually, I began to get my mediation goals in better perspective. The change came gradually. But I came to see that by putting aside expectations of getting agreements, forgetting about how agreements would “make me look good” I could relax and calmly listen to client’s stories. Today the first step before mediations is to drop all expectations. Not all cases are meant to be mediated and resolved. These days I try relax and listen, tell clients about mediation let the process lead where it may.
The ironic thing is my settlement rate is better now that I stopped having expectations about all cases getting resolved. Client evaluations are more favorable and friction between clients and I has seriously declined. No buttons pushed or blow-ups. No calls from Geetha this year either! Call me a slow learner, but there is no substitute for mediating as much as possible to learn and grow professionally.
Ken Ferebee
4/13/06
When I first began mediating at the Virginia Beach GDC (Civil), my main goal was to reach an agreement. It took nearly a year of mediations before it occurred to me that I didn’t have the my goals in order and my mediation technique amounted to pushing the clients toward resolution and not infrequently going astray from the process which is presented in General Mediation Training. And my stress over getting an agreement and overall anxiousness was leaking over to the clients, making them uncomfortable and sometimes angry.
Eventually, I began to get my mediation goals in better perspective. The change came gradually. But I came to see that by putting aside expectations of getting agreements, forgetting about how agreements would “make me look good” I could relax and calmly listen to client’s stories. Today the first step before mediations is to drop all expectations. Not all cases are meant to be mediated and resolved. These days I try relax and listen, tell clients about mediation let the process lead where it may.
The ironic thing is my settlement rate is better now that I stopped having expectations about all cases getting resolved. Client evaluations are more favorable and friction between clients and I has seriously declined. No buttons pushed or blow-ups. No calls from Geetha this year either! Call me a slow learner, but there is no substitute for mediating as much as possible to learn and grow professionally.
Ken Ferebee
4/13/06
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Reflective Listening
In order for the storytelling part of a mediation to be effective, a mediator must know how to listen and respond to what each party is saying. Doing this in such a way as to make each party feel heard is called reflective listening. Reflective listening has two moments:
1. Hearing and understanding both the words and the body language
2. Communicating back succintly the content and feelings you have heard using your own words.
Reflective listening requires two skills which are equally important:
1. Attending Skills- This includes one's posture, physical contact, gestures, interested silence, acknowledgment responses and environment.
2. Responding skills- These are verbal communications that capture the essence of the story in terms of content, feelings and meanings you have heard. In order to respond effectively you must summarize by 'chunking down' larger segments through paraphrasing and laundering language.
Example:
Party's story: "I am so tired of being lied to, he makes promises about the rent and then acts like we never discussed it. I feel like I'm getting the runaround. This has really been a tough time for me and he's taking advantage of the whole thing."
Mediator's Response: "It sounds like you have been frustrated by not receiving the rent when you expected and that past communications have not been productive. Before we move on, can you expand on how the rent was arranged in the past?"
In order for the storytelling part of a mediation to be effective, a mediator must know how to listen and respond to what each party is saying. Doing this in such a way as to make each party feel heard is called reflective listening. Reflective listening has two moments:
1. Hearing and understanding both the words and the body language
2. Communicating back succintly the content and feelings you have heard using your own words.
Reflective listening requires two skills which are equally important:
1. Attending Skills- This includes one's posture, physical contact, gestures, interested silence, acknowledgment responses and environment.
2. Responding skills- These are verbal communications that capture the essence of the story in terms of content, feelings and meanings you have heard. In order to respond effectively you must summarize by 'chunking down' larger segments through paraphrasing and laundering language.
Example:
Party's story: "I am so tired of being lied to, he makes promises about the rent and then acts like we never discussed it. I feel like I'm getting the runaround. This has really been a tough time for me and he's taking advantage of the whole thing."
Mediator's Response: "It sounds like you have been frustrated by not receiving the rent when you expected and that past communications have not been productive. Before we move on, can you expand on how the rent was arranged in the past?"
Friday, April 07, 2006
Joan McCary
On April 5, Joan McCary, a board member and exceptional volunteer at the Community Mediation Center, passed away from cancer.
For 10 years Joan has served as a community volunteer mediator bringing peace to families, neighbors, and organizations throughtout Hampton Roads. Always an inspiration, she made that extra effort to help people solve problems and communicate in ways to better their lives. As a selfless volunteer, mediator, mentor and board member her service has made such a difference and community impact. Joan was truly an exceptional human being and we will remember her for all the strength of spirit, good humor and dedication that she brought to every challenge.
Bob Glover
Community Mediation Center
On April 5, Joan McCary, a board member and exceptional volunteer at the Community Mediation Center, passed away from cancer.
For 10 years Joan has served as a community volunteer mediator bringing peace to families, neighbors, and organizations throughtout Hampton Roads. Always an inspiration, she made that extra effort to help people solve problems and communicate in ways to better their lives. As a selfless volunteer, mediator, mentor and board member her service has made such a difference and community impact. Joan was truly an exceptional human being and we will remember her for all the strength of spirit, good humor and dedication that she brought to every challenge.
Bob Glover
Community Mediation Center
Monday, April 03, 2006
Mediator Tips
Positions vs. Interests
Positions are things that we decide. Interests are the reasons behind our decisions. As a mediator, it is important to try and identify interests rather than focusing on positions as interests start discussion between participants while positions end it. Positions are solutions to problems, specific and definite, and require justification. It is when we focus on positions that arguments develop. Interests are the reasons behind why a solution is preferred and require explanation rather than justification.
In order to draw out a participant's interests, ask open ended questions to generate more information in storytelling. The more information that is revealed, the less vulnerable people will feel as they will be exposing a universal human need. When people can hear about all this information, it can assist them in reassessing their position.
To get the difference between interests and positions, think about this story:
Two men were quarreling in a library. One wants the window open and the other wants it closed. They bicker back and forth about how much to leave it open; a crack, halfway, three quarters of the way. No solution satisfies them both.
Enter the librarian. She asks one why he wants the window open: "To get some fresh air." She asks the other why he wants it closed: "To avoid the draft." After thinking a minute, she opens wide a window in the next room, bringing in fresh air without a draft. She looked to their underlying interests of fresh air and no draft. this difference between positions and interests is crucial.
- Mary Parker Follett
Positions vs. Interests
Positions are things that we decide. Interests are the reasons behind our decisions. As a mediator, it is important to try and identify interests rather than focusing on positions as interests start discussion between participants while positions end it. Positions are solutions to problems, specific and definite, and require justification. It is when we focus on positions that arguments develop. Interests are the reasons behind why a solution is preferred and require explanation rather than justification.
In order to draw out a participant's interests, ask open ended questions to generate more information in storytelling. The more information that is revealed, the less vulnerable people will feel as they will be exposing a universal human need. When people can hear about all this information, it can assist them in reassessing their position.
To get the difference between interests and positions, think about this story:
Two men were quarreling in a library. One wants the window open and the other wants it closed. They bicker back and forth about how much to leave it open; a crack, halfway, three quarters of the way. No solution satisfies them both.
Enter the librarian. She asks one why he wants the window open: "To get some fresh air." She asks the other why he wants it closed: "To avoid the draft." After thinking a minute, she opens wide a window in the next room, bringing in fresh air without a draft. She looked to their underlying interests of fresh air and no draft. this difference between positions and interests is crucial.
- Mary Parker Follett
Tuesday, March 28, 2006
Reflecting on two years of Community Mediation
Most people connected with the Center know that I will be leaving at the end of this month, to move with my family to Pittsburgh. This transition has caused me to reflect on my experiences here at the Center. This has been a time of tremendous personal and professional growth for me. I have had so many positive experiences, but I want to take this space to mention two things in particular that will stay with me forever.
The first is the incredible spirit of volunteerism I have seen at the Center. Our volunteers show such dedication and enthusiasm in their connection with the Center and its clients. Many of our volunteers juggle our cases with their full-time jobs and family responsibilities. Many others use precious time from their well-earned retirement to give back to the community by volunteering here. And another large group of volunteers goes above and beyond – not just mediating cases – but also doing community facilitation work, coaching at our mediation training classes, serving on committees, and helping with events and work around the office. The Community Mediation Center is so lucky to have them all.
Second, I have been fortunate to work with a great group of staff and Americorps volunteers. Everyone working here embodies the spirit of the best community organizations – doing so much with limited resources; always thinking creatively about expanding our capacity to serve clients; working together to provide the highest level of customer service to our clients; and helping our volunteers be their most effective in helping us. I will take away with me much that I have learned from each individual here – about how to be the best mediator I can be, about how to always take the unexpected step to help others, and about how to be a great team! Thanks to all my colleagues for making me a better person.
Judi Teeter
Most people connected with the Center know that I will be leaving at the end of this month, to move with my family to Pittsburgh. This transition has caused me to reflect on my experiences here at the Center. This has been a time of tremendous personal and professional growth for me. I have had so many positive experiences, but I want to take this space to mention two things in particular that will stay with me forever.
The first is the incredible spirit of volunteerism I have seen at the Center. Our volunteers show such dedication and enthusiasm in their connection with the Center and its clients. Many of our volunteers juggle our cases with their full-time jobs and family responsibilities. Many others use precious time from their well-earned retirement to give back to the community by volunteering here. And another large group of volunteers goes above and beyond – not just mediating cases – but also doing community facilitation work, coaching at our mediation training classes, serving on committees, and helping with events and work around the office. The Community Mediation Center is so lucky to have them all.
Second, I have been fortunate to work with a great group of staff and Americorps volunteers. Everyone working here embodies the spirit of the best community organizations – doing so much with limited resources; always thinking creatively about expanding our capacity to serve clients; working together to provide the highest level of customer service to our clients; and helping our volunteers be their most effective in helping us. I will take away with me much that I have learned from each individual here – about how to be the best mediator I can be, about how to always take the unexpected step to help others, and about how to be a great team! Thanks to all my colleagues for making me a better person.
Judi Teeter
Wednesday, March 22, 2006
I was recently asked to facilitate a discussion among several local high school girls who were threatening to fight each other after school. There were about 20 girls present, representing three different groups, neither one able to get along with the other. The discussion was often loud and emotionally charged, with lots of interruptions and confrontations. However, they all stayed in the meeting and were able to come up with some guidelines to help them coexist in the same school and concentrate in their studies. They agreed to ignore rumors and always address issues as soon as they arise, so they don't get bigger than necessary. It was hard work, but I truly enjoyed the experience!
Andrea Palmisano
Andrea Palmisano
Tuesday, March 14, 2006
Lately we have been very busy in the mediation services area. We have been helping many individuals and families in Hampton Roads resolve their conflicts. We have been working very hard to make mediation available for individuals who have criminal disputes with each other. Ideally the ones who will benefit most from our services have misdemeanor complaints against each other and both are looking at fines and possibly jail time/community service for an incident that started as a neighborhood dispute. Most of our mediations recently have ended with resolutions between people. We even had a seven hour mediation the other weekend that helped resolve a 28-year old dispute! We were very proud of our volunteer mediators Cecile Davis and Charles Broadfield. It definitely will become one of our legendary mediations.
Mandy Stallings
Mandy Stallings
Monday, March 13, 2006
Recently I participated in a 22 hour Basic Conflict Resolution and Mediation Skills Training course for a local social service agency. Basic mediation training is a great refresher and reminder of the Center’s roots in facilitating conflict through reflective listening and open ended questioning. With 14 participants, the group was dynamic and energized. They participated in every exercise and asked insightful questions that proved they were thinking about the mediation process and its transformative nature. The most striking thing about this training was that every person admitted (privately or as a large group) that they could use the communication skills in every aspect of their life. When teaching reflective listening, people thought of their teenagers. When explaining open ended questioning and brainstorming, people thought of their co-workers. And, when speaking on the philosophy of mediation as a client lead process, they thought of their clients and how self-determination truly supported their mission and reenergized them to give 100%.
Amanda Burbage
Community Outreach
Amanda Burbage
Community Outreach
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