Mediator Tips
The Mediation Process: An Overview

I. Introduction: The mediators set the stage.

• Greeting, seating and familiarity with facility (be gracious).
• Mediators explain the process (set them at ease).
• Explanation of our impartial role (sets the tone for openness).
• Review, then sign the Agreement to Mediate Form.
• Help parties develop the Ground Rules and ask for their commitment.

II. Storytelling: A time for people to be heard and share perceptions.

• Summarize each person's story by reflecting back the general content themes and associated feelings.
• Clarify by asking open-ended questions regarding unclear issues that appear to be important.
• Listen to each person's views and feelings about the situation. Actively listen to their story
• Reframe or restate the issues and concerns by focusing on their needs and interests.
• Identify Issues and begin Bridge Building: Assist parties in owning the problem.
• Join the parties by giving a synopsis of their shared interests.
• Identify and explore all the issues.
• Use a flip chart to help everyone stay on track, one issue at a time (if applicable).

III. Generating Options: To engage the parties in a creative and collaborative discussion about remedies for resolution.

• Brainstorm for possible options for resolution.
• Use flip charts to illustrate possible options.
• Encourage and reward collaboration.
• Listen actively by giving appropriate eye contact and posture.
• Clarifying/Reality Testing: A time for parties to gain a better understanding of their options.
• Ask “what if” questions as you help the parties examine the viability of options. Be creative.
• Compliment them on their progress when an issue reaches closure.
• Through open-ended questioning, flush out more details for parties’ options.

IV. Resolution - Agreement: The “final touch” - this affirms and clarifies their personal effort during mediation.

• Mediator is a “scrivener” for the parties and any resolution.
• Confirm consensus on the option selected for each issue.
• Coach them in drafting their agreement - use their words when possible.
• Include specific details that address who, what, when, and where.
• Use simple and clear statements that everyone can understand once they have left the mediation session.
• Balance is important -- everyone can do something to resolve the conflict.

V. Closure: A time to acknowledge the parties for their hard work and reconfirm their agreement.

• Go over the written resolution point by point with the parties and make any changes.
• Reconfirm that the parties can have an attorney review the resolution as it will become a legal document when signed or the parties can waive that opportunity and sign.
• A written agreement is only confidential when it is stated within the text of the agreement.
• Have parties fill out client evaluation form.
• If ready, have the parties sign an original written resolution for themselves and have 2 originals signed for the DSC.
• Invite final comments.
• Handshake.

Youth for Peace Conference

The Community Mediation Center recently held its 2nd annual Youth for Peace Conference. We played a lot and worked hard...one of the topics we concentrated on was the importance of applying mediation skills to our everyday lives, not just the mediation room. We know how to paraphrase, identify interests, brainstorm creative solutions...but do we when it comes to our own issues? The kids attending the conference concluded that it is possible to live by our mediation priciples, but it takes a little practice and a lot of courage. We made a promise to try at least ONCE to apply mediation skills in our personal lives. I hope you join us!

Andrea Palmisano
Youth Coordinator

Transitions

The definition of transition is a passage from one form, state, style, or place to another. The past year as an AmeriCorps VISTA at the Community Mediation Center has definitely been a transition for me in all aspects of the definition.

- FORM: Form is usually thought of in the structural sense, but I will approach this dimension of the definition a little different. Most can probably tell, but I bought my first suit for my AmeriCorps VISTA interview. Growing up between a farm in Michigan and the beach in Virginia, did not teach me much about the aspects of business casual attire. Transitioning through AmeriCorps has allowed my closet to take on new, more appropriate form.

- STATE: As a laid-back, beach native, I was never keen on being on time or keeping things organized. I have always worked and played at my own pace, not recognizing the effects of other people and things around me. My experience here at the Center has given me the skill and ability to be organized. Most of the staff members are aware of my dependence on organization, not knowing that this is recent transition from my old ways.

- STYLE: When I first began my journey at the Center, it was funny for me to hear the staff say that they cannot remember how things used to be before they were trained as mediators. Now, only a year later, I feel much of the same. I have been able to use the skills I have learned here, not only in mediation, but in many aspects of my personal life. It is unbelievable for me to think of how quickly this transition has occurred.
- PLACE: I have always enjoyed new places. As a daughter of a now-retired Navy father, I was always ready to pick up and move to new place. Luckily, I was able to stay in Virginia Beach for most of my life, but I was always ready and aware that change could happen anytime. Most recently, I have changed positions, and along with that came relocation. Although hesitant at first, my experience as an AmeriCorps VISTA has enhanced my ability to be flexible and open to change.

Kim Hopwood
Training Coordinator

The importance of being a non-profit

Have you ever had a conversation where it seems as though the other person isn’t listening? Just to test them, you end up throwing outrageous things into your monologues: “So, I just bought an African elephant the other day. He's named fluffy.”

Working in outreach is kind of like that- minus the African elephant, of course. For every 10 people you contact, most likely only one will respond to you. Even those who say they will call you back, rarely do. Its frustrating at times, but it’s important not get discouraged - after all, you don’t want to sell your services to people who don’t want them.

Non-profits often have to work in this manner. They are dedicated to fulfilling their mission to help the community rather than meeting the ‘bottom line,’ so they must rely on the community to support them. They must be aggressive in pursuing those who are interested in what they do. For-profits are useful in providing goods and services to the community, but since their goal is to make money for their shareholders, they are not primarily working for the public's best interest. Since you cannot trust the government to be everywhere and do everything, the community needs to pick up the slack. This is the role of non-profits- to work to improve the community in the spaces that for-profits and the government do not cover.

So despite the number of no’s I receive and the number of people who blow me off, I am proud to be a part of the non-profit community.

Nathan Eckstrand

Mediator Tips
Family Mediation- The Consultation

Most families who inquire about mediation know little about the process because they have never been in mediation before. Instead, families are frequently referred from the court, lawyers, family service agencies or by others who have used mediation in the past. Therefore, taking time to evaluate and assess family needs is important prior to accepting them as clients.

A brief and informal meeting, prior to mediation, benefits both the families and the mediator in the following ways:

1. It is an opportunity for the families to ask some common questions, such as:

• How much will this cost?
• How long will each session last and how many sessions will we need?
• What do I do?
• What do you do?
• What will it be like?
• Do I want to do this and am I able to do this?

2. It is an opportunity for the mediator to meet his/her ethical obligations by:

• Screening for domestic violence
• Assessing client’s communication dynamics
• Familiarizing clients with process and Agreement to Mediate form
• Gathering data about the family
• Determining if this is the right time for this family to be in mediation
• Refering clients to other professionals if needed

Developing your own style

When I was going through the mentee process, one of my mentors gave me some great advice."Mediate with a lot of different people," he said. "Eventually you will develop your own style." I'm still working on developing my mediation style, but the advice is true for other activities. When I was training to teach the co-parenting class (designed for parents who have separated), I co-taught with three deifferent instructors, each with her own style. All the information provided in the class is the same, but the presentation is slightly different, depending on the instructor. Some use prepared charts, others overheads or add information to a flip chart as it is presented.
Most parents attend the class because a judge has ordered them here. They think they are being punished or that the court thinks they are bad parents. After more than a year teaching this class, I have my own style, drawn in part from those who trained me and mixed with my own perspective and personality. The introductioon--designed to make them more comfortable and willing to participate --is now mine. So is the closing at the end of the class. The material in between is the same information the other trainers present, but done in my fashion.
Now that I'm actually mentoring a new trainer, my approach is to team her with each of the trainers, and not just me. Eventually, she will develop her own style, based in part on something from each of us and then mixed with her unique perspective and personality.

Chuck Hardwick

Mediator Tips
The Importance of Confidentiality

The mediation process is helpful for many people because it is confidential. All conversations and work products, including various scenarios for resolution generated during the process, are held in confidence (e.g. notes are destroyed, mediators do not discuss cases or make statements to the court). However, a mediated agreement is not a confidential document unless it is stated within the text of the agreement.

Confidentiality creates a more confortable setting for participants in mediation, which allows for better facilitation and more open dialogue. Because of confidentiality, individuals are more likely to open and share.

Make sure that the confidentiality part of the agreement to mediate form is sufficiently covered during the introduction.