"Let there be Peace on Earth..."

“Let there be Peace on Earth and let it begin with me” intrigued me the first time I heard it. I wondered how could little ole me promote Peace on Earth?! I certainly could not see myself starting a world wide peace movement, HA!

Certain words or statements defining peace triggered the “ah ha!” response in me. Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia, indicates “peace” to be commonly understood to mean the absence of hostilities. The definition goes further to include “freedom from disputes; resolution; non-violence; harmonious relations and the absence of mental stress or anxiety … as the meaning of the word changes with context.”

These descriptions seem to me to be part of the foundation for the process of mediation which offers the service of facilitation to assist others to discuss their conflicts and to agree on ways to resolve them. Even when parties are not able to come up with a resolution, they usually comment that they appreciate the process of attempting to handle their conflict through the process of mediation rather than violence or other types of disruptive behavior.

As I embrace the notion of promoting peace on earth through mediation, each session has an added sense of purpose. It is an opportunity that empowers all involved to promote better human relations by choosing to handle disputes in ways that promote harmony and respect.

I see no world peace movement leader in my future; however, in my own special way as a mediator, I can promote and practice Peace on Earth.

Peace,
Lucretha D. Hyman
Mediator

Mediator Tips
Financial Considerations in Family Mediation

Family mediations will often have to deal with the issue of child support, which means that money will be a factor that comes into play. In order to get a comprehensive view of each person's finances, there are several questions a mediator must get an answer to and several subjects that must be discussed. Examples of both follow:

1. Support Guideline
   a. Income of parents
   b. Health Insurance
   c. Extraordinary medical expenses
   d. Child care expenses
   e. Proportionate shares
   f. Who pays and when?
2. Reduction when child is with other parent?
3. Income Tax exemption: who will take it?
4. Medical care not covered by insurance
   a. Who will decide?
   b. Who will pay and how much?
5. Life insurance - Is the purpose for the policy to cover support in case of death of parent? With current life insurance polices, who is the beneficiary? Who is the owner? What type of policy – term, whole life or universal?
6. College
   a. Expectation of parents
   b. Expectation of children
7. Remember to get Social Security numbers and date of birth for both parents.

There are other questions that will arise as these questions are answered, but making sure that these topics are covered is a first step towards building an understanding of the financial issues involved in the mediation.

Working with Volunteers

We are a Community Mediation Center, which means we use volunteers from the community to do the majority of the interaction with clients. This is great because it allows us to do more than we could with our small staff, and it also allows the community to develop a passion for its own well-being.

The bad part is that volunteers choose when they are able to help, which sometimes means there are holes that have to be filled. As one of the staff persons that works with volunteers, this can be really frustrating. It is hard to strike a balance between respecting a volunteer's time and pressing them to get the job done. I never want to make a volunteer feel guilty for having a life outside of our center; I also never want them to feel underappreciated. At the same time, it is important they recognize that being a volunteer comes with certain obligations, as the Center relies on volunteers to do our work. As we often say, "Volunteers are the heart of the Center."

When volunteers cancel last minute or do not show up for their obligations they leave other volunteers, as well as our clients (which include the courts), in the lurch. It does not make us look good to have to explain to a judge the reason why there was no mediator in court is because our volunteer did not show up, and also to explain why we didn't know in advance. If this were a staff person, there would be a reprimand, but with a volunteer, what reprimand can you give? This person is giving you their precious time- can you really reprimand them for choosing (albeit at the last minute) to not give you their time? It is time freely given.

This scenario, in various forms, happens about 3 times a month, which has led us to evaluate the way we use volunteers and also our volunteer program. We are looking at ways to make our program more effective so that volunteers are not put in a frustrating place, and neither are we. This is a difficult task because we have such an established set of volunteers who may be resistant to change or may feel slighted. It is difficult territory to manage volunteers; however, the payoff for our center and community is usually well worth it. Volunteer management also gives us an opportunity to grow and to hone our communication skills.

Mandy Stallings

Why I work at the CMC

Hello, my name is Benita Stinson and I am a senior at Old Dominion University. I am majoring in Human Service Counseling. Many people wonder why individuals choose majors that do not lend themselves to significant financial gain. I would say, for me, it is the opportunity to help individuals become empowered to lead better, more productive lives and to recognize that they hold the keys to their success. I guess that is my personal informal mission statement and the reason I chose the Community Mediation Center as my internship site. I am really impressed with the work it does in the community, especially for at risk-youth and families who have been displaced.

This summer I had the pleasure of facilitating a peer mediation class for youth participating in the city of Norfolk’s Youth Employment Program. The participants met four hours once a week for the month of July. This was my first experience utilizing the skills I learned in the General Mediation and Peer Mediation classes. I am very pleased to say that thanks to the training I received from the Center, I was well prepared to facilitate this class. The format of the class was very inviting to the participants because it allowed them to build on their natural ability to make great choices, understand and respect others, and learn healthy ways to deal with conflict instead of using violence. It was a valuable opportunity for me to use the knowledge I obtained from the center and my academics to help others. It also allowed me to observe how youth responses to conflict can change immensely when they implement conflict resolution skills as their primary strategies.

The students not only walked away with the power to be productive community members, but also with the tools to craft a great future for themselves!

Benita Stinson
Intern

Mediator Tips
Helpful Phrases in Mediation

Do you ever feel stuck in a mediation, like you don't know what words to use to summarize what the client is saying? It can happen to anyone; the important thing is to not let it unnerve you. Most likely, if you wait a minute, something will come to you to ask. However, it can be helpful to know certain phrases that can come in handy during a mediation. Below are several examples:

• “What I understand you both to be saying is…..”
• “Maybe the two of you could discuss …”
• “what do you want to do about this?”
• “Both of your concerns…”
• “I hear you want… What are some of your choices now?”
• “Have you thought about, or have you talked about…”

There are certainly many more than this. Build your own list of phrases that you can rely on in a mediation.

Mediator Tips
Preparing for a Mediation

It is important that you talk with your co-mediator about how you are going to do the mediation. For example, you should divide up the introduction; each person should have several sections. Next, figure out who is going to take the lead first in the generating options part. That is, who is going to ask the first question and which mediatee is it going to be directed to.

Different mediators have different styles of mediating. Make sure you discuss how you mediate with your partner beforehand so that you can create a collaborative approach that allows both of you to function at your best without stepping on each others' toes.

Also, the setup of the room is important. You should know how many mediatees you have ahead of time and should place the chairs in such a way that the parties, who may be quite hostile towards one another, are not in adversarial positions, but are facing the mediators (although they should not be turned away from each other either).

The more communication there is between you and your co-mediator, the better the mediation will go.

My name is Heather and this is my first blog. As the new Youth Program Coordinator, I was asked to submit a little something to the company website. I have been trying to come up with a few wise words for your reading pleasure, oh…the pressure!

I’m currently a senior at Old Dominion University under the Human Services curriculum with a special focus on children. A lot of people associate “Human Services” with “Human Resources”, there is a huge difference. Under the Human Services program I have focused on courses in Counseling, Sociology, Child Welfare, Grant Writing, and Communication. I love serving the community and I’m grateful for the opportunity to work with an agency that has such an ethical and impeccable reputation.

I have been away from the typical office setting for about three years and was a little nervous about the comeback. Although I consider myself a Rookie at the CMC, I already feel at ease. A CMC staffer is consistently available to answer questions, address issues and listen to suggestions. I’m eager to learn everything I can about the center, its’ team, the programs we offer, and the people we serve.

Thank You!

Heather M. Mathews (with one t)
Youth Programs Coordinator

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
-Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Mediator Tips
Writing the Resolution

Hopefully, your mediation will end with a resolution. However, to keep the parties from returning, a good resolution must be several things. First, it should be simple so that all parties can easily understand what it says. Second, it should be specific as to who does what and when they do it. Ambiguity can lead to more disagreements. Third, it must be balanced so that everyone is doing something. Fourth, there should be a universal consensus about the agreement; that is, everyone must agree to all parts of it. Finally, it needs to be practical. If an agreement asks the near impossible, it is unlikely that the parties will be able to hold to it and will slide back into conflict. Make sure to ask them if they feel they can do what they've agreed to.

Here are some helpful tips for writing a resolution:

• Offer an opening statement to frame the agreement but leave it up to them if they wish to use it or not.
• Use the parties’ names in the agreement and identify their relationship, i.e. John and Mary have a landlord-tenant relationship. Alternate names throughout the agreement.
• Use the parties’ own words as much as possible. Don’t add issues that they did not discuss in session.
• Add in any positive emotions from the session but don’t make any up. If there weren’t any “warm and fuzzies”, don’t add any.
• Avoid ambiguous terms such as "reasonable" or "soon" and don’t use any legal terminology, unless directed to and/or under the guidance of a court.