Last week my friend called me looking for best friend advice about the best way to talk to her fiancé. After listening to her story, and paraphrasing what she said, I offered my secret tool…I-messages. I use I-messages with everyone- my parents, my brother, my boyfriend- and 9 times out of 10 it is very effective in getting my point across without being accusatory or hurtful.

I told my friend that I-messages are a great way of saying what you want to say without pointing the finger. She would be able to talk to her fiancé and he wouldn’t get upset. I told her about the secret formula: I feel ________ when ________ because _________ and I need __________. She really seemed like a natural...she practiced a few I-messages on me and got the courage to call her fiancé and test it out.

An hour later I got a phone call from my best friend… “Megan you’re a genius! It totally worked! I told him how I was feeling and he didn’t get frustrated or mad…he even agreed with me!” I told her I’m not a genius, I’m just in the field of conflict resolution and talking things out is what I know best. I was glad to share my secret tool with my best friend, and glad to hear that I-messages came to the rescue yet again! I feel great when I-messages help my friends because they mean so much to me and I need them to always be happy!

-Megan Carpenter