Expectations in Mediation

When I first began mediating at the Virginia Beach GDC (Civil), my main goal was to reach an agreement. It took nearly a year of mediations before it occurred to me that I didn’t have the my goals in order and my mediation technique amounted to pushing the clients toward resolution and not infrequently going astray from the process which is presented in General Mediation Training. And my stress over getting an agreement and overall anxiousness was leaking over to the clients, making them uncomfortable and sometimes angry.

Eventually, I began to get my mediation goals in better perspective. The change came gradually. But I came to see that by putting aside expectations of getting agreements, forgetting about how agreements would “make me look good” I could relax and calmly listen to client’s stories. Today the first step before mediations is to drop all expectations. Not all cases are meant to be mediated and resolved. These days I try relax and listen, tell clients about mediation let the process lead where it may.

The ironic thing is my settlement rate is better now that I stopped having expectations about all cases getting resolved. Client evaluations are more favorable and friction between clients and I has seriously declined. No buttons pushed or blow-ups. No calls from Geetha this year either! Call me a slow learner, but there is no substitute for mediating as much as possible to learn and grow professionally.

Ken Ferebee
4/13/06