The importance of being heard

I have been a mediator since 1993 and have trained mediators here at the Community Mediation Center since 1998. In reflecting on why mediation means so much to me, I realize it is because mediation can begin a healing process for people in conflict. And because people have a desperate need to talk to someone and be “heard”.

Being heard is not just about listening with ears but hearing with the heart and mind. It is about making a human-to-human connection in an ever increasing digital world.

Listening is the essence of mediation for me. That is why I am so passionate about mediators utilizing the reflective listening technique during the mediation process. Reflective listening summarizes what someone has said by linking content (the overall theme of what was said) with feeling.

When identifying the content of a statement, the mediator doesn’t just “parrot” what was said but captures the key theme or subject by dropping away nonessential information and “laundering” the language so it is palatable for all participants in the mediation.

Then, link that content with the feeling expressed. It is the acknowledgement of the feeling which truly helps people feel “heard”. Feelings are essential to human nature and so often in society those feelings are denied. When that happens, pressure builds up to the breaking point. Just look at the newspaper or listen to the news for examples of this.

In all my years of mediation, I have seen the magic woven by reflective listening. Emotions have deescalated and there is such a relief in voice and body language when people feel heard.

So don’t forget to use reflective listening as much as possible in mediation. I’ll be listening…..

Karen Richards