Motherhood and Mediation

As mediators, we acquire most of our training through classroom training, observations, co-mediations and hands on application. If we look hard enough, we would see that the opportunity to utilize theses skills surrounds us at every turn. Little did I realize that many of my mediation skills would be put to the test during my first six weeks of motherhood.

Maternity leave is often the opportunity to learn basic caretaking techniques. My experience went beyond dirty diapers and burp clothes, and transcended into the professional realm. I worked on becoming a better mother and mediator.

Our clients are not that different from infants at times. We’ve all had that client who whined constantly, cried inconsolably; some may have even kept you up at night. How did you deal with this situation? Did you find the right words to help facilitate peaceful resolution of conflict? Did you exhibit patience during this session or were you about to pull your hair out?

It took me six weeks of active listening with my son to figure out what he was trying to say to me. It can be a challenge to distinguish the “poopie” or “hunger” cry from the “sleepy,” “cranky,” or “I just want to be held” cry. Our clients speak their own language and it is up to us to decipher what their positions and interests are so we can better assess their needs. As we all know, rarely do people ever come out directly and tell us what they are thinking or feeling. It is up to us to treat this as a jigsaw puzzle and fill in the missing pieces. This is where patience and active listening become so critical in mediation.

After dismissing my son’s crying as a normal right of passage for me to transcend into motherhood, I realized that he really was trying to communicate to me. I just wasn’t listening. Every cry was for a reason. If it were not for his fussiness I would not feed him, change him, or soothe him. It was up to me to take a step back, take a breath, and truly listen with both ears to meet his needs. I am sure this same technique would work to meet our clients needs. Patience and active listening will not only make me a better mother, but also a better mediator. What can you do differently in your next mediation session?