Family Mediation

I am certified to mediate general and family cases, but for some reason prefer to work with families which is a good thing, because I am using all my mediation skills right now to help my own family through a crisis.

My mother is dealing with some major health issues and is now in a rehabilitation center receiving treatment until she is strong enough to return home. She is not happy about it and now is in the denial (I want to go home!) and anger (It's all your fault!) stages. I just let the anger and angry things she says wash over me without responding to them. It's like I'm listening to one client venting at another client in mediation, knowing eventually we'll get down to some story telling and generating options. I can detatch during those moments and give her permission to be angry, knowing it's not really about me.

All of the siblings are under stress and my brother and sister know all of each other's hot buttons. There are long standing issues that probably will never be fully settled. The emergency room and hospital are not places to be visiting those issues (handling money, who got what for their birthday and a host of other annoyances). Now I find my self being neutral, reframing and asking open ended questions. This is not a time to judge either of them as at fault. From time to time I actually do some caucasing, speaking to each of them individually.

The latest issue of contention has been about visiting mom. ("I work!" "I work, too, and I've already missed some shifts!") Finally, I was able to help them agree to go whenever they could, and not argue about who was there the most or least.

Hopefully, we will all get through this and my mom will be home with her cat, which she also misses.

Mediation can be rewarding, especially when I can help clients resolve their differences. Mediation skills can be used outside of mediations; in this case, they are survival skills which I can employ to help everyone cooperate and work together to achieve our goal---help mom recover.

Chuck Hardwick