‘God gave you two ears and one mouth so you can listen twice as much.’

Before I started at the Community Mediation Center I used to think I was a good listener. When a friend had a problem or a co-worker was dealing with a difficult issue I was always on hand to listen and offer my opinion. But recently I’ve come to realize I’m not really a good listener. I do a lot of hearing, but not a lot of listening.

So now you may be wondering, “What’s the difference between hearing and listening?” Well, we hear a dog barking, we hear the buzz of a summer cicada, and we hear the next-door neighbor’s lawnmower. But listening requires both hearing and processing what we hear.

Often times when we are “listening” to our friend/co-worker/spouse talk about their troubles we are thinking of a solution to offer them. Or we are thinking ahead of what the person is saying – rehearsing what you are going to say, or rewinding in your head what you’ve already said and wishing you had said it differently. And in today’s hectic world, we are distracted by the appointments we have to keep, the errands we have to run, and the bills that have to be paid. All of these situations keep us from listening effectively.

Just think of everything you could be missing because you were only hearing what that other person had to say and not listening to them.

-Diane Arnold