Positions vs. Interests in Pop Culture

Listening is so important but identifying and acknowledged a person’s interest is a critical component to effective conflict resolution. I was recently reminded of this concept.

I was watching an episode of “The Cosby Show”. Bill Cosby’s character, Cliff, had borrowed his neighbor’s power drill and misplaced it in the house. When the neighbor came to reclaim his tool, he commented on how he knew he could trust Cliff to take care of his tool. Of course, Cliff now had to admit he had lost the tool and he apologized. His neighbor was distressed and began talking about how the drill had been his father’s and that whenever he used it, he was reminded of his father and the good times they had had together. Cliff was silent and the neighbor then did what so many others do when they don’t feel heard – he became more agitated, raised his voice and began complaining about other, unrelated issues, in this case that Cliff had potentially overcharged in delivering this neighbor’s children. When Cliff offered him a new drill, the neighbor got angrier and walked out.

It all made for good comedy but this situation illustrates a fundamental principle in conflict resolution that we often overlook – identifying and acknowledging the interest behind the position. On the surface, it might seem that this “Cosby Conflict” was about a lost drill. However, just below the surface, also called the position, lies the interest which was the strong sentimental value the drill held for the neighbor and the loss of trust with Cliff.

A simple acknowledgement of those two issues would have calmed the neighbor down and begun to pave the way for a solution.

On the show, Cliff finds the drill and takes back to his neighbor but in real life that happy ending doesn’t always occur.

So, remember that conflict is rarely about the position -- the “drill” or the “money”. It is about the interest and the emotions that lie under the position. You may need to look deep but the reward will be a calming of the situation and a peaceful resolution.

Karen Richards
Interim Executive Director