What to do When Clients Cry

Recently I had a series of mediations and co-parenting classes in which clients cried. I always feel awkward when that happens. Do I offer a tissue or wait? If I am sympathetic, does the other party think I am being partial? Am I doing something wrong that evokes strong emotion? Not necessarily.

My first encounter with a client who cried occured when I was a mentee. The mom burst into tears. My mentor sat and did nothing. I realized there was no tissue on the table, so I waited, too. There is so much bottled up emotion, that it comes out as part of the mediation process. Mediation is not therapy, but sometimes it feels like therapy. Finally, a person who was with the woman handed her a tissue. She gathered herself and we went forward.

In a co-parenting class, a young woman was talking about being in rehab, and things she was doing to regain custody of her child. One of the requirements was to attend the class. In the middle of her statement, she stopped, and began to weep. I waited, tissue box on my training table. Finally, another parent grabbed a tissue, handed it to the young woman, and said, "You should be proud of what you are doing." Other parents echoed the same thought. The class brought her out of it, not me. The support should come from her peers.

Another mediator told be about a session in which both parents cried, but not at the same time. "Crying is not a sign of weakness," she said. "It's just strong emotion, and once that emotion is released, the clients are ready to move on and talk about their issues."

It's difficult to face a client who is crying and do nothing, because we don't want to appear cold and unsympathic. It's just human nature. But sometimes not taking action is the best thing we can do, because the client must find the strength and composure to get on with the business of a busted relationship. And sometimes it is even harder for us not to also cry. I am tearing up now. Anyone have a tissue?

Chuck Hardwick