Mediator Tips
Identifying and Understanding Domestic Violence

Note: This tip covers some of the basics of how domestic violence is dealt with in mediation. The Community Mediation Center has an entire class devoted to Domestic Violence and Mediation. It is required for anyone who wants to become a family mediator, but anyone interested in the topic is encouraged to take it for a more detailed explanation of how domestic violence works in mediation.

Domestic violence can be difficult to spot because of the strong tendency to keep it secret or rationalize the behavior as normal. As a result, the mediator must be attentive for signs of it during the mediation so that the parties – and if necessary other parties like counselors or the courts – can be made aware of it. According to Anita Vestal in her article “Domestic Violence and Mediation: Concerns and Recommendations,” domestic violence is usually divided into three types: physical abuse, sexual abuse, and psychological abuse. While the first two are generally easy to define, and thus recognize when it is brought up in a mediation, the third is harder. Examples of psychological abuse include:

• Threats and Intimidation: these include threats to take the children away, destroy someone financially, attempts to coerce someone into illegal activity, displaying or threatening with weapons, etc.


• Using Economic Resources: such forms of abuse include unilaterally maintaining exclusive access to cash, credit cards, bank accounts, accruing debt in the partner’s name, and withholding child support payments.


• Stalking: such forms of abuse include repeatedly sending letters, appearing at someone’s work or home, and incessant phone calls that carry the message of intimidation.

Not every case of domestic violence can be handled by mediation, and several tests have developed to determine whether a case involving domestic violence can be mediated. These include phone interviews, preliminary screening, and questionnaires such as the Tolman Screening Model (developed by Richard Tolman) or Conflict Assessment Protocol (developed by Linda Girdner). However, one way to help a case proceed with mediation is to have the parties agree to a couple ground rules. Anita Vestal recommends the following ground rules that both parties need to agree to:

• Acknowledgment of past abuse


• Encouragement of the abused partner to pursue an order for protection


• Requiring and monitoring attendance at anger management classes or therapy for the abuser


• Requiring and monitoring the participation of the abused partner in services for battered women or therapy for the abused partner

Anita Vestal admits that a couple of factors may make a domestic violence case unsuitable for mediation. She identifies these factors as:

• Abusers who seem to have a need to control the abused partner


• An abuser who is easily frustrated by the idea of not getting all that he wants


• An abuser who accepts no responsibility for the abuse


• An abused partner who discloses that she has been abused, but does not want it revealed to the abuser


• Patterns of psychological abuse (with or without physical abuse) that has led to a situation where the abused partner identifies with the abuser's needs as primary and necessary for her survival

Ultimately the issue of domestic violence is a tricky issue with no easy answers. In order to deal with domestic abuse a mediator must have significant training and an ability to control power dynamics. A lot will come down to the mediator’s intuition and what he or she feels they can handle.

2007 Golf Tournament Summary

The Community Mediation Center held its annual golf tournament yesterday, on May 24, 2007. For those of you who weren’t there, here’s a rundown on what happened:

Center staff and volunteers started arriving at the course around 10am to set up for the tournament. This included setting out the signs for tee sponsors, 50/50 raffle tickets, silent auction, and the gifts for the raffle. Registration started at 11am, although most of the players didn’t arrive until noon. After arriving, the players were given a goodie bag with snacks, coupons, a calculator, mints, and some other items and had the chance to purchase 50/50 or regular raffle tickets. After having a lunch consisting of hot dogs, the players went to their carts and headed off for their starting holes.

As it turned out, the weather was perfect for golfing, as well as enjoying snacks of peanuts and beer. Center volunteers were kept busy refilling the kegs and bringing other snacks to golfers around the course. No major problems came up during the tournament, and players starting arriving back at the clubhouse around 5:30pm. After milling around for a while – and buying some more tickets – a dinner was served consisting of bar-b-que, fried beans, and potatoes. While the players were eating the final scores were announced, the winners of the silent auction were able to claim their prizes, and the raffle ceremony was held. Several people got to take home some major prizes, including a dinner for 12 by the gourmet gang, an iPod shuffle, and one complementary one night stay for two at the Crowne Plaza Williamsburg at Fort Magruder. The raffle ceremony constituted the end of the golf tournament, and after it was over the players left for home.

If you want to know more, visit this site in the near future for tournament results and pictures of the event.

Nathan Eckstrand
Community Outreach Advocate

Mediator Tips
Issues of Trust

As any good mediator knows, people in conflict are rarely clashing over the subject matter of that dispute alone; their interests are a large part of the dispute as well. Unfortunately, a dispute will often lead to feelings of mistrust between the two parties as they will each feel as though the other person is acting in a mean or deceitful way (especially if the dispute is over a contract that was broken). Building back trust is an important part of getting the parties to reach a resolution. Unfortunately there is no formula for building back trust, but a good understanding of the types of trust-based conflicts people have may help in figuring out the right way to approach the issue. Steven L. Schwartz, the Managing Partner of ADRSolutions, LLC, divides trust-based conflicts into three types: calculus-based, knowledge based, and identification-based.

Calculus-based conflicts generally involve the immediate situation at issue, that is, issues where the parties are focusing on the specifics of a contract breach, for example. In these cases the parties generally do not have a long-standing relationship. In knowledge-based conflicts the parties have a more detailed knowledge of the others’ habits and activities. They are friends or acquaintances that have known each other for a while. When parties in this type of relationship lose each others’ trust, they are losing trust in that person’s qualities and not just their performance. Finally, in identification-based conflicts the parties have deep seated feelings or an intimate relationship that has lasted a long time. A betrayal of trust of this sort is taken very personally by each party, as they end up losing trust in the entire person they are in conflict with, not just an aspect of them. A solution to this type of lack of trust will have to address the deeply felt emotions each party carries.

Learning to identify the type of relationship, and thus level of trust, each party shares may help you discern what path to follow in a mediation to reach a solution.

Learning the subject matter of a dispute:
Upcoming CMC Training in “Foundations of Mediating Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) Disputes”

Among members of the mediation community there has been a continuing debate about whether or not a mediator needs a certain degree of expertise in the subject matter at the heart of a dispute being mediated to successfully mediate, or is just skill in mediation enough? For example, is it better when mediating an EEO dispute to know about EEO laws or when dealing with construction mediations to know about the elements of construction?

The mediation purists argue that the mediation process is the same no matter what the dispute is about so there is no need for additional subject-matter expertise. Besides, they remind us that since mediators don’t give legal advice all they need is mediation skill. There are others, myself included, who believe that in certain types of disputes it helps to have some knowledge of the subject matter.

During my 32-years of Federal government civilian service I spent the majority of time as an EEO Manager, Discrimination Complaint Manager, and Mediator. In designing mediation programs as part of the discrimination complaint process, I always relied on outside neutrals who not only were skilled as mediators, but also were knowledgeable in EEO and Federal government human resources. The benefits of this were multi-fold: 1. The mediators were better able to reality test with participants if they understood EEO laws, complaint processes, and Federal government civil service rules; 2. By understanding the complaint process, including applicable timeframes, mediators understood the constraints in which they were operating; 3. The mediators could use appropriate jargon with the participants, which gives the participants a high comfort level that the mediator was really listening to and understanding their issues; 4. Mediators understood better what must appear in a settlement agreement—and what couldn’t; and 5. Perhaps most importantly, this subject-matter knowledge let the mediators know what they didn’t know and when to seek outside expertise.

Following along with this thinking, the Community Mediation Center will be offering a 4-hour training class on Saturday, August 18, 2007, from 9:00 a.m.-1:00 pm in “Foundations of Mediating Equal Employment Opportunity (EEO) Disputes.” The cost of the training is $95, and will provide an overview of employment discrimination, Federal and State discrimination laws and complaint processes, and components of mediating EEO disputes. Visit our website at www.ConflictCrushers.org to register on-line for this course, or any of our other training opportunities.

Leslie Tourigny
Mediation Liaison and AMERICORPS Member

Trainee Tips
Things to consider when taking basic mediation training

There is no national standard for mediation training, so it is important when considering whether or not you want to become certified the quality of the general mediation class. Diane Levin, in an article titled "What to look for in a basic mediation training", offers these suggestions. The first is to figure out what the certification requirements in your state are, as they differ depending on your location. A training director should be familiar with these. Next, ask about the training class itself. What type of mediation process does it teach (facilitative, transformative, or evaluative)? Does the class have activities such as practice mediations or is it all lecture? What ethical quidelines will be taught? Which materials will students use? All of these questions are important.

It is also worth looking into what kind of trainer is teaching the class. Ask about the trainer's background, including what type of cases they have mediated, their experience as a trainer, how long they have been mediating, and how many people they have trained. The trainer should be connected to the conflict resolution world and dedicated to the principles behind mediation.

Finally, figure out what you can do after the training. Some organizations allow trainees to keep involved by providing mediation opportunities to complete the certification process and can give some advice about making a living as a mediator. Ask the training coordinator about what the training organization offers post-training.

Once you collect all this data, use it to make sure that this training offers what you want it to. Here is the article: http://www.mediate.com/articles/levinD1.cfm.

How to prepare for a mediation session

Mediation is a process where a neutral third party person facilitates a conversation amongst two or more people whereby the participants work together to resolve details to their dispute. If you’re participating in a mediation session, consider doing some preparation.

First, think about your position. A position is what you want. It might sounds like, “I want him fired”, “I want full custody”, or “I want $1,000”.

Second, think about your interests. An interest is why you want what you want. Why do you think full custody, or $1,000 sounds like the best option for you. What underlying concerns or issues are there, underneath your position? For example, you may want $1,000 (position) and you may want it so you can afford to have the work redone. So, having the work done properly is your interest and one way to achieve that is to have the business pay for the work.

Third, consider alternative options based on your interests. Following along the above example, if your interest is to have the work done properly another option might be to have the company re-do the work, they could do work on another part of your house for free, they could teach you to do it yourself, they could charge you only for supplies and not for labor (or vice versa) on the second job. When you work from interests there are many, many options, as opposed to when you work from positions where there is seemingly only one answer to the problem.

Finally, consider the details. When does this need to be done, how will it get done, and what are the other terms to the agreement? Make a Plan B – what if the plan doesn’t go as followed? What are all the possible problems (weather, illness, bankruptcy, etc.) and how will we address them IF they come up?

Remember, think of mediation as a conversation. The best thing you can do to be prepared is to practice the conversation on your own before you come to the table. Get clear on what is really important to you, and develop criteria so you know when you’ve reached an acceptable win-win resolution.

Amanda Burbage
Community Outreach Director

Mediator Tips
Responding to Concerns about Mediation

Because mediation is not as readily understood as litigation or even negotiation, it is understandable that clients often have concerns about the efficacy and value of mediation. Sometimes mediation seems like just another step in the legal process that only serves to delay getting a decision, or that it is a trick by one side of the disagreement to get what is owed to the other side. A mediator can convince more parties to attend mediation by responding to these concerns.

When asked whether mediation is any different from court, the obvious answer is that mediators don’t represent any side but are neutral facilitators. This is the point to stress, as the adversarial approach to litigation has become so ingrained into our culture’s psyche that alternatives are rarely, if ever, noticed. Mediation is also different than court because it allows clients to control the process themselves. They decide how much they want to discuss, they come up with the agreement, and they generate the options. If these two points are understood, it does not matter how much they know about the mediation process or how long mediation takes (although they might want to know that later), it is likely that they will be sold on mediation as a concept.

If asked about whether mediation works, and is worth the time, probably the best answer is to mention the success rate of about 90% and how even those who did not reach an agreement felt that mediation was useful. It would also be useful to mention how mediation does not require anything from the participant save his or her time. Given that participants can go to court if mediation does not work out, one has every reason to try mediation, especially if reaching a solution is what is most important.

Certain caveats do apply to mediation, such as the mediator being unable to give legal advice, but those can be covered before mediation begins. The benefits of mediation definitely outweigh the negatives, and by emphasizing the points above, it is likely that most people will agree.

Mediator Tips
The 80/20 Rule

An understanding of the 80/20 rule can help you to avoid frustrations in a mediation when it seems as though the parties aren't making any progress. Basically, the rule says that 80% of the progress the parties will eventually make occurs within the last 20% of the process. The majority of mediation, even when you get past the introduction and storytelling phases, will be dedicated more towards framing the issues and getting a better understanding of the disputed facts in the case. While it may seem obvious that progress occurs at the end, you will be surprised at how often a mediation will follow the 80/20 rule. The point is that you can't expect there to be a gradual progression towards the end agreement, but should focus more on facilitating the discussion. As the Center teaches, a good mediation will often follow the Transformative approach, where the solution will follow naturally from the discussion, especially when the parties see the point of view of the other. Try going into a mediation keeping the 80/20 rule in mind and see how that affects both your mediation style and opinion of how well a mediation is going.

Mediating to create positive change

Gandhi has said that, “we must be the change that we want to see in the world.” This is one of my favorite quotes because it holds such a true statement. We often hear people talk about what they do or don’t like in the world but very rarely are they willing to step up to the plate to institute change. However, creating change can happen on several levels; even if you cannot create sweeping changes, it is always possible to try and have a positive impact in someone’s life. Working at the Community Mediation Center I have found out that mediation is a great opportunity to help someone change something in their life that they are not happy with or have been struggling with for awhile.

Being a mediator involves helping people to resolve conflicts between themselves without getting the court involved. Mediation gives people an opportunity to handle their misunderstanding themselves and to hear each other out. Granted not all situations are meant for mediation, but many can be resolved outside of the courts. A mediator is more than just a referee; he or she is a problem solver, motivator, and a good listener. With our changing political and social environment in society it is important to make positive changes in our lives as well as others.

My time at the Community Mediation Center so far has been a life changing experience. You never realize how nice life can be until you hear the stories and struggles of people at the Center or General District Court. Being able to help people come to a mutual agreement to work out their differences is the awesome tool and secret to mediation. Mediation has been around for years and is a great tool for families or people who may not be able to afford lawyers or take time off of work to come together and work out their problems.

Veronica Hill
Training and Youth Coordinator

Mediator Tips

Practice Your Skills Online

Technology moves fast these days, and it is important for mediators to try and keep up. As part of the ongoing endeavour to put mediation materials online (on Mediate.com and other ADR websites), tools for honing your mediator skills have found their way onto the Internet as well. The following are two games which have been put on the web that, while made primarily for entertainment value, attempt to give one practice using common mediation and negotiation skills. Try them out for yourself; who knows, you might even learn a thing or two.

Note: You must have Adobe Flash Player installed on your computer for these games to work.

Move or die

Angry Neighbors

Mediation extends beyond the Center's walls

Sometimes it is difficult for me to shut the mediator brain off. Recently I was having brunch with my best friend and he was venting to me about his relationship. He has been with the same person for the past five years and has never really been happy. We have had the same venting session every three months for the past five years. I always ask him why he stays and never can really tell me. Finally, this brunch I decided to open a can of mediation on him.

I asked him what his relationship goals are. He told me and I asked if what he is currently doing as far as relationships go is helping him achieve those goals. He said no. So, I asked, what are some ways you can achieve your relationship goals? He told me it would be to leave his current partner. I asked if there were any other options that included staying with his partner, including couples therapy, etc. No, he didn’t see any other options. He was very overwhelmed by the idea of ending and separating five years of life with his partner. So, we took his problem and broke it down into smaller tasks. We listed challenges and ways to overcome those challenges, we came up with next steps, and he actually followed through with them. What he needed to see was that his problem wasn’t as big as he thought it was, and that he could do each of the small steps to help him reach his goal.

I would say this is the heart of mediation. I like mediation because it is creative problem solving. Our clients have this problem that is really big to them. They feel powerless to solve it on their own. We help them look at their goals and how they can reach those goals. We help them take their problem apart and put it back together in a constructive way. It is by recognizing that their problems aren’t too big to solve that our clients are empowered to solve them. To me, a dispute is like any other problem. There is a solution if parties are willing to look for it. As mediators we help them flip the light switch in the dark room, so they can really see what surrounds them. For my friend, he needed to see that all the things he used as excuses to remain unhappy were not so overwhelming if he takes them on one at a time, at the same time he acknowledges that this will be a hard thing to follow through with, but he wants to because it is helping him achieve his goal.

Mandy Stallings
Mediation Coordinator

Mediator Tips
Loose Ethics

Ethical principles are not always a good thing. This is the point made by Robert Benjamin in an article published in ACResolution Magazine back in 2004. Benjamin's thesis is that having too many ethical guidelines end up constraining a mediator more than helping him or her.

Unlike some other professions, a mediator's role is not always to be objective, dispassionate, and neutral. Mediators deal with pragmatic solutions, and if they are to gain the trust of the parties they cannot always afford to be "above the fray". Benjamin feels that the qualities of neutrality and impartiality are only there to cleanse and rehabilitate the image of a mediator. However, in a practical sense they only constrain the mediator.

Parties in a mediation do not always act rationally. Often times the parties are hostile to the mediation process, finding it unnatural or not helpful. Other times they are unwilling to discuss their interests because of some underlying fear. When mediators present themselves as completely dispassionate, they do little to recognize those underlying fears.

According to Benjamin, mediators learn early on that they must use their instincts, wit, and guile to reach a solution. In these cases, reaching a solution may require bending ethical guidelines to some degree.

However, Benjamin does not advocate abandoning all ethical principles. Instead, he presents 4 general rules that are important to follow at all times, but says that within the framework of those 4 mediators should be given some leeway to use their own style to solve conflicts. The 4 principles he mentions are:
1. The prospective mediator shall disclose to the parties any and all contacts or relationships with any of the parties, their associates, families, or organizations of the parties.
2. The mediator shall never make a recommendation or binding decision in a matter without the written agreement of all parties concerned, whether or not there is a standing order by a court or an appointing authority.
3. The mediator shall assure and protect the right of the parties to terminate the mediation process at any point without explanation.
4. The mediator shall not disclose to any third party, courts, judges, attorneys, other appointing authorities any information about the parties, their attitudes, motivations, or actions at any time. The mediator must maintain a primary duty of loyalty to the parties.

To read Benjamin's article, click this link: http://www.mediate.com/articles/benjamin16.cfm

Renewing our commitment to effective communication

With the recent horrifying events at Virginia Tech, I think everyone gets a wake up call. No matter your level of involvement with the campus, whether you know a student or not, everyone suddenly realizes how fragile life is and how quickly it can change. Perhaps you’ve found yourself playing the “what if” game, or maybe you called your friends and family just to say “hi” because you realized it had been too long.

As sad as these killings are, people are already responding personally and in groups in positive ways. Hopefully some have access to support groups driven by facilitated dialogue. Maybe this is an opportunity for others to renew their commitment to non-violence. In fact, this could be the chance for all of us to improve the way we interact with one another, to value the dignity and autonomy of each human being on a daily basis.

The process of effective communication is invaluable when it comes to treasuring human interaction with family members, friends, and even strangers. Honor those people you interact with through positive communication, because it might be your only opportunity to be a light in someone’s life.

Amanda Burabage
Community Outreach Director

Changes

Recently, while rummaging through my garage, I came across a journal I had written in 1987, some 20 years ago. It was a difficult time for me and the early entries were about the pain and turmoil of the end of my marriage. I had moved out of the house in the last weeks of 1986 and was finding the initial adjustment a very difficult process.

By summer, the entries became more positive as I began to re-connect with my children and develop my new role as non-custodial parent. By October, I had met the woman who would be a major part of my life for the next four years. Christmas Eve was actually a joyous event. My children had requested "those little chickens" (Cornish Game Hens) for our holiday dinner. As the little chickens cooked, we decorated my tree. I asked my son to help me with the lights. "I don't know how," he protested. "I'll show you," I replied, "and we'll do it together."

After opening our gifts to each other, the children returned to their mom's house, and I reflected on how much change we had all been through during 1987 and how we all had changed. It was a year of recovery. I was much stronger and more confident in my ability to not only survive, but to thrive both on professional and personal levels.

We don't have to wait 20 years to realize how we have changed. It happens in small ways, every day. I find myself "generating options" when faced with a difficult choice and using my reflecting listening skills in everyday encounters. We do it without realizing it. Later, we ask ourselves, "where did THAT come from?" It comes from the training which we incorporate into our lives, not just in mediations or co-parenting classes. We also help initiate change in others, whether it be youth groups, separating parents or squabbling neighbors. If we plant a seed that sprouts into a change in the lives of others, we have been successful.

I see this in the co-parenting class I teach. One night, a very big, very angry dad came storming through the door, complaining about the courts ordering him there and wondering how he was going to buy groceries the next week because he had to pay for the class. At the end of the class, he shook my hand and thanked me. "I learned a lot tonight," he said. A mom sent me a Christmas card, telling me how much fun the class had been for her. Fun? You don't take the parenting class for fun! I don't set this as a goal for each class, but when it happens, it feels good. We can actually help others make changes in their lives. And they, in turn, change us.

Chuck Hardwick
Client Services

Mediation Tips
Comparing Mediation Styles

The Community Mediation Center uses and teaches the transformative mediation style, as we feel it yields the best results. However, as mediation theory has developed in the past, numerous other styles have been developed. Most people who have taken our training class know something about these other styles, so this will be a refresher for them. If you haven't heard about these other styles, though, check them out. As always, a mediator needs to develop his or her own mediation style over time, which means that some of you may want to include elements of these other styles in your approach. Here is a short summary of each of them.

Facilitative: The most common style in the mediation world, a facilitative mediator asks questions, validates points of view, searches for interests, and helps parties develop solutions. The mediator does not give opinions or advice, but remains neutral. It is interesting to note that this style developed when most mediators were volunteers, and thus not required to have experience on the mediation topic.

Evaluative: An evaluative mediator more readily gives out opinions and evaluations than a facilitative mediator. He or she will intervene in the mediation to point out stregnths or weaknesses in a party's position and explain what will happen if the case should go back to court. Often evaluative mediation is used in issues relating to money, which the mediator should have some experience in dealing with.

Transformative: The transformative approach takes a lot from the facilitative style, including the neutrality of the mediator, encouraging parties to develop their own solutions, and getting at the interests rather than the positions. The difference of the transformative approach is its attempt to empower each party and encouage them to recognize the others' point of view. Communication between both parties is a large part of this process.

Narrative: The narrative style places a lot of emphasis on the storytelling part of the mediation because it assumes that the parties are in conflict because they see themselves from the narrow point of view of their own narrative. The narrative mediator attempts to get the parties to share their story of the conflict and then to view the stories from a distance. The mediator then helps the parties to create a new story that allows for the possibility of a resolution.

There are pluses and minuses to each approach, so a mediator will have to choose based upon which one they think suits them. An article posted on the site www.mediate.com compares the evaluative and transformative approaches to mediation (the two most popular processes). Please read it for some enlightening analysis.

http://www.mediate.com/articles/fosterK1.cfm

How Conflict Can Spread

Conflict is contagious. I say this because recently there was a large conflict brewing in my family that started with just two people and expanded to 10 or more. My sister was in conflict with her boyfriend, the father of her unborn child. That led to conflict between she and I, as my sister, myself, and her boyfriend were all supposed to move into a house together. However, she never moved in so it has been just him and me. She was mad at me for living in the same house with him while she was mad at him, although this living arrangement had been the plan all along.

This conflict also led to conflict between myself and my mother because since my sister was living with my parents it seemed to become an "us against them" situation. Other family members took sides and before we knew it our Sunday lunch was no longer a time for catching up and reflecting on the week with our family, it was a time to talk behind one another’s back over the kitchen sink! Thankfully now the conflict is starting to subside but it is still there.

Do your best to resolve conflict. Think about how your conflict affects others. None of us live in a bubble – our actions affect those around us like ripples in the water.

Sara Foote
Arbitration Coordinator

Peace is Possible!


At the Taman Safari Zoo in Bogor, Indonesia, a pair of month-old Sumatran tiger twins became friends with a set of young orangutans, an very unusual match that would never occure in their natural jungle habitat. The odd group met while they were sharing a room at the zoo's nursery. All four of the animals were abandoned by their mothers shortly after birth, and have been taking care of each other like brother and sister ever since. Zoo Keeper Sri Suwarni said, "This is unusual and would never happen in the wild. The four have lived side-by-side for a month without a single act of hostility." (To read the whole story: http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/02/28/indonesia.tigers.orangutan.ap/index.html)

This is a sure sign that peace is possible! If these little guys can embrace their differences and learn to love and look after each other, why can't humans? Unfortunately, this cute little bunch will not stay together for long -- as their natural instincts will begin to develop (tigers begin to eat meat at 3 months). It is unrealistic to think that humans could maintain such a odd-coupled relationship, but we CAN learn to embrace our differences, deal with people effectively, solve our own problems and empower others do to the same. TAKE MEDIATION TRAINING, SUPPORT COMMUNITY MEDIATION CENTER -- start now, don't let a one-month animal show you up (although, they are amazing, huh?).



Kim Hopwood
Training Director

Mediator Tips
Moving to the online world

This blog entry is not going to be a tip in the usual sense of the word, but rather a suggestion for how to improve your skills by making use of the internet. You've probably heard of YouTube, a site which allows individuals to post their own videos to the web to be viewed by everyone. Viewing videos regarding mediation can be a great way to improve your skills by hearing and seeing the perspectives of mediators around the country, and YouTube contains numerous videos about mediation which are free to watch. Among those on the web are people discussing the importance of mediation, example mediations, and discussions with mediation theorists. Over time the Center will hopefully be venturing into this world and posting videos online as well, but until then if you are interested in connecting with mediators outside your area, visiting YouTube may be a way to start that process.

For an example of one of these videos, called "Fighting Fair", click this link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J7sTu7s-8gg

You can reach the YouTube site at www.youtube.com.

Musings from the Executive Director’s Chair

At 8:07 p.m. EDT on Tuesday, March 20, Spring arrived in Hampton Roads. Did you hear it? There was almost a collective sigh as the warm temperatures seemed to be a gift from Mother Nature. However, did you notice the moon that night – only a sliver, a sliver of a smile and, it seems, a wink from the planet shining in the “smiley face”. It was wink and a wry smile as if to tell us that we’re not quite done with winter. The cold temperatures and wind of March 21st were the punctuation to that thought.

Change. It is all around us. It is inevitable. And, just like the weather changes second by second, so do our lives.

The last 6 months have been a time of change for the Community Mediation Center as well. In September we said farewell to Bob Glover, the Center’s Executive Director of more than 8 years. At that time, I took over as Interim Executive Director to provide continuity and stability for the Board and staff while a search was conducted for a new Executive Director. Now, the Center has a new Executive Director, Kim Humphrey, who will move us into the future.

This month is my 14th anniversary with the Center and I have seen many wondrous things both personally and professionally. I have worked with many hundreds of people in conflict over these years and it has been very gratifying.

But it takes a great amount of time and patience to work with individuals, businesses, families, and neighbors who just can’t find a way out of their conflict situation. But when they can, it is a magnificent thing to behold.

It has been a great honor and privilege to serve these last 14 years and I look forward to serving people in conflict for many more years to come.

Karen Richards
Interim Executive Director

Mediator Tips
Case Study - Terri Schiavo

I'm sure you all know the case of Terri Schiavo and the controversy surrounding her. However, beyond the question of how to determine whether or not she was alive (in the sense of being aware of her surroundings) and who has the right to decide her fate, there is the question of the conflict between her different families. Her husband was adamant that Terri would have wanted to be pulled off life support while her parents were sure that she would not. This would obviously pose some difficult problems for a mediator who attempted to solve this conflict. Douglas Noll, a full time peacemaker and mediator who has mediated over 1,200 cases, has written an article about how he would handle this problem. Click the link below to see what he says.

http://www.mediate.com/articles/noll23.cfm